The Utah Deron Williamses Vs. The San Antonio Not Deron Williamses

Tonight Deron Williams, the greatest point guard to ever play professional basketball, simultaneously scored all of his team's points, defended every player from San Antonio, manned all five positions, delivered a baby on the sidelines during a timeout, filled beer orders in the concession stand, and coached the team, at least according to the broadcast I watched.

Unfortunately, Williams was unavailable for comment after the glorious, transcendent game because he was trying to get commentators Mark Jackson, Jeff Van Gundy, and Mike Breen shaken loose from his jock strap.

Seemingly lost amid the love, the San Antonio Not Deron Williamses won the game, but that's a very minor, some might say negligible, point. The fact that they scored more points should only underscore the brilliance that is young Mr. Williams who, if we haven't mentioned it before, is the Greatest Man Ever To Play Basketball.

The broadcast was also marred by one of the most awkward moments in recent sports broadcasting history I can recall. Play by play man Mike Breen was pointing out that the Utah Deron Williamses had faced elimination twice already in the playoffs, winning both contests against the Houston Not Deron Williamses. "But that," Breen said, "was against a much lesser opponent."

Sitting right next to Breen at the broadcast table all night, including when he made this comment? The coach of that very same "lesser opponent", Jeff Van Gundy.

Ouch.

If he's not careful, Breen's going to end up with Van Gundy velcroed to his leg before the series is over and Deron Williams will have to use his Nobel Prize for Point Guarding medal to break it up.