Great, here's yet another way in which my World of Warcraft character is superior to me:
If that's not clear, it says "Tip: Your character can eat and drink at the same time." At the same time! I know I can't handle a crossbow like he can, but now this? How many more ways can I be inferior to that stupid digital guy?!
Showing posts with label pop culture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pop culture. Show all posts
Monday, October 22, 2007
Another Failure
Monday, October 08, 2007
Things I Hate About Chris Berman
Here is a partial list of the things I hate about ESPN sportscaster Chris Berman. And I'm skipping the obvious things, like his incessant usage of inane nicknames for not only every single player on the planet, but some species of African bush weasels as well.
- The overly broad gestures that punctuate every single syllable he utters. I fully expect him to knock a colleague unconscious some day with an exaggerated arm swing. Particularly egregious: the "Pseud-OK", the aborted love-child of "I missed it by that much" and Gumby's "O-TAY!".
- The sport jacket with a short-sleeve shirt underneath. What is he, twelve? With every overly broad gesture you see his hairy arms all the way up to his elbows. It is my dream that he will accidentally crush his own larynx during a broadcast while gesticulating, and die for lack of a shirt sleeve with which to stanch the bleeding.
- "BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK ... ((twenty minutes later)) ... BACK BACK BACK BACK ..."
- "WHOOP!", particularly when used at completely inappropriate times. I have visions of this abominable noise issuing forth from a bathroom stall in Bristol about an hour after lunch every day.
- The combover. Let it go, man, because trust me -- it's gone.
- The stupefied look on his face during every NFL Sunday Shoutathon And Screaming Death Match show, when one of his idiotic on-screen comrades finishes speaking and tosses it back to him to move along to the next topic. Pick up the ball, Berman, it's your turn to do something!
- He's still on ESPN, and Keith Olbermann is not. There is no justice in the world.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Watching The Watchmen
This likely won't mean anything to you non-geeks out there, but the latest super-hero comic book to be slated for production as a movie is DC's "The Watchmen", which has my nerd-ometer all a-twitter.
The original 12-issue mini-series was later collected as a graphic novel, and won Science Fiction's highest honor, the Hugo Award. It was also named by Time Magazine as one of the “100 Best English Language Novels from 1923 to the Present.”
I have to admit I'm a little skeptical that this can be turned into a good movie. The original is so dense, you have to read it four or five times before you really catch everything that's going on. It's a complex, multi-layered work of art, with a crazy number of different plot points, complicated characters, and varied levels of meaning. I don't know how well you can translate all of that into one movie.
Plus, there's just something fundamentally ... well, silly about people dressing up in costumes and fighting crime. The novel addresses this directly and uses it as a major background theme, and it works as told in a comics format. Dave Gibbons' artwork was the perfect blend of realistic and fantastic. But in a movie, you can't get away from the fact that these are real human beings running around up there in tights.
With a franchise like Spider-Man or Superman, it works because they're basically adventure stories. But "The Watchmen" isn't like that. Dare I say it, it's basically a psychological, political thriller. It just happens to feature people in costumes.
It's going to be a real challenge to pull off. It certainly has the potential to be a great production, but only if it's done right, with deliberation and insight. The fact that it's being directed by the guy who did "300" doesn't fill me with confidence -- that was about as two dimensional a script as you can get.
I'll be watching the movie site with interest as production rolls along. I really, really hope it turns out well. Along with "The Dark Knight", "The Watchmen" was largely responsible for launching the more serious, higher-quality, adult-oriented revival of the comic book industry in the 80's. I'd like to see it do the same for comic-book movies.
Monday, September 17, 2007
The Wheel of Time Stops Turning
Fantasy novelist James Oliver Rigney Jr. (aka Robert Jordan), author of the massively popular "Wheel of Time" series, died today in Charleston, South Carolina, of complications from primary amyloidosis with cardiomyopathy, according to MSNBC.com.
Having read most of his fantasy series and a number of personal posts Mr. Jordan has made available online, he seemed to be a good man and certainly his writing brought joy to millions around the world. I think it's fair to say that he was a major figure in the genre and that his death will have a serious impact on the sci-fi/fantasy publishing industry.
My feelings about the books themselves are more mixed. I enjoyed the series at first, but after the first three books it seemed to grow heavy under the burden of its own seriousness. Events that could have taken place in a chapter were stretched out over several thousand pages. Too many characters plagued the plot, without seeming to advance the story at all. The same plot points kept coming up over and over to the same characters, and for a while there it seemed like literally nothing had happened over the course of three books.
Ultimately, I'd have to say the series was a victim of its own success. When an author (or musician or athlete or director or what have you) gets too big, everyone starts being afraid to tell them "no". They're given license to do whatever they like and no one has the courage to actually edit them, to say "Gosh, Bob, this sucks."
And I think that's too bad. Because clearly these guys have some talent, or they wouldn't have been successful in the first place.
In a way, we betray people like Mr. Jordan when we become too intimidated to express our opinions honestly, when no one will tell them what's good and what's bad become overshadowed by expectation and hubris.
I do feel saddened by the loss of Robert Jordan, even if my opinion of "The Wheel of Time" have become negative over the years. He worked hard, he treated the genre with respect, and he inspired thousands of people with his words. That's an impressive legacy for anyone to claim.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Better Iron Man Trailer
I posted a bad, user-shot Iron Man trailer a while back. The official version of it is now available, though, so go check it out! This actually looks like a pretty good movie, I'll definitely be going to see it.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
SNORK!
If Annie comes home tomorrow to find me dead, you can blame Tim Conway -- he made me laugh so hard (again) that I almost choked to death.
See, earlier tonight Fox aired a program called something like "Television's Funniest 30 Moments", which from the premise alone you know is guaranteed to piss everybody off when their favorite moment doesn't make the cut. And sure enough, I got pissed.
Because for my money, you won't find a funnier five minutes in the history of television than the following blooper outtake from "The Carol Burnett Show" involving an unscripted elephant story by the consummate funny man, Tim Conway.
The setting features the popular sketch "The Family" (which later got spun off into its own show called "Mama's Family"), one of the recurring bits on the program. Tim Conway's character just got an answer about elephants wrong in the game they were playing but Tim, never content to leave a script as written, jumps in with an ad-libbed story. How he holds his composure throughout is a true mystery, but what's really remarkable is that he manages to crack up Carol Burnett herself, legendary for her iron will and control.
You'll see Conway do his riff twice. I'm not sure if the first is from the regular broadcast and the second is from the West Coast feed (I think they used to shoot and air the entire show twice), or if it's a rehearsal or re-take, but they're both hysterical. Be sure to watch all the way to the end for Vicki Lawrence's fantastic zinger that literally sends them all falling off the couch laughing.
If you can't make out her line at the end, it's "Reckon that little ass-hole is just about through?"
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Top Ten Things World of Warcraft Can Teach You About Life
Many people decry games like "World of Warcraft" as vast, bloated time sinks that suck away the lives and personalities of its subscribers, giving nothing of value in return.
Not unlike America's political parties!
But seriously. I think these people are wrong, and as evidence I present the "Top Ten Things World of Warcraft Can Teach You About Life":
10. No matter how much time, money, and energy you put into making something, there's no guarantee anyone will want to buy it.
9. Hot girls can dance to make money. Even if they're really guys.
8. Where you choose to make your home (whether a neighborhood or a server) can make a huge difference in how enjoyable your time is. Nothing's more frustrating than having to constantly wait on construction when all you want is to get home.
7. Some people are just plain ass-holes and there's not a lot you can do about it unless you have powerful friends. Preferably friends with really, really big swords.
6. If you want a sweet ride, you better save your money.
5. Short people have feelings too. Even gnomes. Probably.
4. You can go a lot farther if you have a group of friends watching your back.
3. I've been rich, and I've been poor, and believe me -- rich is better.
2. That fancy, over-engineered mechanical gizmo might look neat and cost a fortune, but odds are it'll let you down when you need it most. Sometimes the simple, reliable things are better.
1. You might think of The Other Side as absolutely evil, soulless, cowardly scumbags with no heart ... until you actually step into their shoes and experience the world from their point of view, understanding their history and outlook. Don't be surprised if "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" are interchangeable labels sometimes.
Monday, August 06, 2007
Devil's Cape
My super-hero dream isn't the only one coming true recently. One of my online gaming friends, Rob Rogers (creator of the "Hero City" Uberworld campaign setting among others), has just announced that his first novel, "Devil's Cape", is going to be published by the Big Daddy of the gaming world, Wizards of the Coast. Even writing an entire novel is an amazing accomplishment. Getting it published is an order of magnitude greater, and getting it published as the result of winning a global competition by one of the premier gaming companies in the world -- well, there's just not a word for how fantastic that is. If you like crime novels, southern fiction, super-heroes, or any combination of the three, then pre-order your copy from Amazon today. I just did, and I can't wait for it to get here.
Congratulations, Rob!
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Where Are The ESPN Challengers?
Why doesn't anyone try to beat ESPN in the sports news market? In general news you've got CNN, MSNBC, Fox, NBC, ABC, CBS, Bloomberg, and a handful of other competitors and yet ESPN stands alone in the sports news marketplace. Why?
Partly it's that the sports market isn't as big as the general news market, and thus there's less room for competition. And partly it's that ESPN so thoroughly dominates the space. I even think it would be fair to say that sports and ESPN are pretty much synonymous for most people.
Also, general national news was already a competitive enterprise before cable came along -- all three networks hosted monstrous news organizations. No such infrastructure existed for national sports reporting, so ESPN had the market to itself. And they've been relentless about pursuing and dominating every niche that's come along since, much to their credit. They've done everything they can to stay relevant and connected with younger audiences.
But I think ESPN is starting to show its age, ironically in the way they are so dogged about staying hip. It's all starting to look a little forced and fake at this point, like an aging superstar who still wears tight dresses and too much makeup, showing up at parties and laughing a little bit too loud. I think America's ready for the Next Big Thing in sports reporting, something to knock the big guy down a few pegs and liven things up.
The most likely candidate is FoxSportsNet, the group of local sports channels NewsCorp gobbled up over the past ten years or so. They've got a large infrastructure in place already, including on-air talent, and at least some national name recognition. The larger corporation has a vast amount of money to spend and a formidable lobbying presence in Washington to help pave the way for any legislation they might need. And Fox certainly has a history of knocking aging stars off their pedestals.
Frankly, I don't really think they'd be able to take a significant market share away from ESPN, but I do think it'd be fun to see them try.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Iron Man!
With thanks to my friend John for the tip, here is the first sneak preview of the 2008 "Iron Man" movie, as presented at ComicCon (apologies for the dark nature of the clip):
Why Americans Hate the Media
Matt Yglesias points this morning to an absolutely fascinating 1996 discussion of why Americans hate the media by James Fallows. Although it's 11 years old, the article still rings absolutely true. I think Matt's right -- it's so good there's almost no way to select only the "good parts" -- but being a stubborn git I nonetheless have tried to pull a few paragraphs that really jumped out at me to give you the general idea of the piece below the fold. The discussion shows that are supposed to enhance public understanding may actually reduce it, by hammering home the message that issues don't matter except as items for politicians to fight over. Some politicians in Washington may indeed view all issues as mere tools to use against their opponents. But far from offsetting this view of public life, the national press often encourages it...
It is more fun—and easier—to write about Bill Clinton's "positioning" on the Vietnam issue, or how Newt Gingrich is "handling" the need to cut Medicare, than it is to look into the issues themselves...
[A]ll issues are shoehorned into the area of expertise the most-prominent correspondents do have:the struggle for one-upmanship among a handful of political leaders...
Midway through the interview Bradley gave a long answer to the effect that everyone involved in politics had to get out of the rut of converting every subject or comment into a political "issue," used for partisan advantage. Let's stop talking, Bradley said, about who will win what race and start responding to one another's ideas.
As soon as he finished, Woodruff asked her next question: "Do you want to be President?" It was as if she had not heard a word he had been saying—or couldn't hear it, because the media's language of political analysis is utterly separate from the terms in which people describe real problems in their lives...
[A] relentless emphasis on the cynical game of politics threatens public life itself, by implying day after day that the political sphere is nothing more than an arena in which ambitious politicians struggle for dominance, rather than a structure in which citizens can deal with worrisome collective problems...
Why not imagine, just for a moment, that your journalistic duty might involve something more varied and constructive than doing standups from the White House lawn and sounding skeptical about whatever announcement the President's spokesman put out that day? ...
The point is not that the pundits are necessarily wrong and the public necessarily right. The point is the gulf between the two groups' reactions. The very aspects of the speech that had seemed so ridiculous to the professional commentators—its detail, its inclusiveness, the hyperearnestness of Clinton's conclusion about the "common good"—seemed attractive and worthwhile to most viewers...
"Polls show that both Republicans and Democrats felt better about the Congress just after the 1994 elections," a Clinton Administration official said last year. "They had 'made the monkey jump'—they were able to discipline an institution they didn't like. They could register the fact that they were unhappy. There doesn't seem to be any way to do that with the press, except to stop watching and reading, which more and more people have done."
As I've gotten older, I've come to think of the mainstream media not as "liberal" or "conservative", but as Establishment. Like the popular clique at school, their main goal is the maintenance of their own power and influence. What matters is not truth, or fairness, or intelligence, but increasing the scope of their own importance. And as Fallows points out, the way to do that is to focus on only the interpersonal, political, high-school sociology of politics rather than the things that actually matter.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Singin' in the Gay
I'm pretty sure I'm not gay, but after watching "Singing in the Rain" again tonight, I'm starting to wonder. Is it normal to find yourself thinking "Damn that Gene Kelly is a good-looking, great-dancing, stud-muffin of a singer"? I definitely shouldn't have gotten weepy at the end -- again -- especially when I've seen the movie a dozen times before. I think I better go hack down a tree or shoot a deer or something, quick, before they revoke my man card for good this time.
I did have one major revelation while watching it, though. I've never done drugs, but I'm pretty sure if I ever do, I want to watch the "Broadway Melody" sequence during it. I feel reasonably certain that acid is the only thing that can make sense of that number.
Finally, I think this routine from Donald O'Connor not only is the best thing in picture, but pretty much sums up my entire approach to life. Enjoy.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Deathly Hallows
I don't want to spoil anything for those of you who have not yet read it, but the seventh and final Harry Potter book, "Deathly Hallows", is one of the most satisfying reads I've had in a long, long time. Exceptional end to an exceptional series. I hope to write up a few thoughts on the Harry Potter phenomenon in a couple of days once I've had a chance to think about it more, but for now, I can only urge you to read it as soon as you can. I picked it up at noon today and just put it down a few minutes ago.
Thank you, Ms. Rowling, for a great reading experience.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Virtual Destiny: Are You Your Avatar?
How different would you be if you could be someone completely different? That's the issue faced by millions of online gamers involved in massive virtual worlds like "World of Warcraft". In my case, the answer is, "Not so different after all."
Granted, in my virtual life I have hair and am a ripped, big-eared, sword-toting Blood Elf. But the person beneath both the real and virtual skin remains surprisingly consistent. For instance, you have your choice of a bunch of different jobs you can have in WoW, just like in real life. Rather than a doctor, lawyer, web designer, or other real-life professions, in the game you choose from a "class" like Shaman, Rogue, Warrior, etc. From the very beginning I wanted to play a Hunter (lives in the wilderness, doesn't really need much help from others, has a big ol' pet), but I ended up playing a Priest instead (group dependent, can be kind of wimpy, lives to heal others) because the group I was in needed one.
That's right, even in virtual reality I put other people's needs ahead of my own. I think there's a name for that, and it begins with "pa" and ends with "thetic".
I worry about hurting other players' feelings in WoW. Isn't that silly? We're playing a game and I don't want to upset them. I can't "forget" that there's a person on the other end of the avatar, and whether they're a 13 year old kid or a 80 year old grandpa, I keep hoping they're having a good time. It's a throwback to my co-ed soccer days as a youth, when I'd yell "excuse me!" to the opposing girl player after I'd run her over.
This is a problem in a game like WoW which is fundamentally adversarial -- there are two "sides" and you are on either one or the other. Part of the goal is to kill the other side whenever and wherever you can (don't worry, they get to resurrect themselves right away, which would be nice in real life). Conflict is built right into the structure of the game, and yet I avoid it as much as possible.
Sound familiar?
I don't know what percentage of playing in a massive virtual world like this is running away from yourself, but it seems like I am not running fast or far enough to get away from who I am, fundamentally. That's good in some ways, bad in others. But just like in real life, this time around through WoW I am trying to grow. I'm finally playing a hunter as my main character, which is the way I wanted it originally. I'm on a dedicated Player vs. Player server (PvP), which ramps up the inherent conflict even more, hoping I can get over my dreadful reluctance to ever engage another human being. And I'm playing on the same realm (server) as my brother-in-law and nephew and their group of friends (guild), who seem to have the right idea about all of this. It's supposed to be fun, not an extended psychological drama, and that's a lesson I very much need to learn.
What about you? When you engage in fantasy play, whether it's through online gaming or in some other facet of your life, do you prefer to be someone else, or just another version of you?
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Gamer YinYanginess
I present the good and bad I recently experienced of being a gamer:
Good: Your sister trusts you enough to ask you to talk your nephew into giving up some of his "World of Warcraft" addiction.
Bad: Instead your nephew ends up talking you into reinstalling your World of Warcraft game so you can start playing again, too.
Good: The flame of addiction newly-lit, you rush to the store to buy the "Burning Crusade" expansion to the game so you can do all the new stuff that's come out since you quit.
Bad: The day you buy the expansion pack, lightning strikes your internet receiver, and you can't get online for a solid week.
Good: Your internet service gets fixed so you can now reinstall the original version of the game!
Bad: You have to download more than 1GB of patches and updates to complete the install. This takes three days.
Good: You finally download and install the last of the seemingly interminable patches and can install the "Burning Crusade" expansion you bought!
Bad: After you install the Expansion, you have to re-download the last five patches before you can log in. Which you already downloaded once. After agonizing through three days of downloads before THAT. And the week of dead internet before THAT. All while fighting the urge to put your fist through your router to force it to go faster, dammit!
Good: Finally, after a week and a half, you get to log in. Your brother-in-law kindly jumps in his high-level character and helps you out with some in-game money and items. Life -- virtual life, anyway -- is good.
Bad: It's going to be many months before you can get to a high enough level to thank him properly. Maybe beating his son with a hose for getting you re-addicted will be payback, though. Maybe.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Richard Simmons on "Whose Line"
Add Richard Simmons to the mix on "Whose Line Is It Anyway" (the hilarious improv show that prompts Annie to come into the room to make sure I haven't asphyxiated myself from laughing so hard) and the results are unbelievable. My friend Dave sent me the YouTube of his appearance and it's one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time. The "ABC Family" logo at the bottom right is the perfect ironic accompaniment to what's happening on stage, too. Enjoy!
Friday, June 22, 2007
Spock, Lesbians, and You
I hope you will join in me in marveling at the irony of seeing this cover arrive in the mail on the very same day I wrote a post about lesbian farm animals:
I'm not saying these two women are necessarily lovers, but they are shopping while scantily clad in nightgowns. I doubt that's what lesbians do on dates, despite the best efforts of the pornography industry to convince us otherwise, but it does give one pause. And to be perfectly clear, I wholeheartedly support the right of women everywhere, gay or straight, to shop while wearing lingerie. That's a trend I think we can all get behind.
Of course it's possible those are sun dresses, but then how do you explain the lack of footwear? No pet owner in their right mind -- especially one with a dog who, from the look on its face, is about two seconds from bringing all new meaning to the phrase "explosive diarrhea" -- is going to scamper around without their shoes on. That's just asking for trouble.
I make no assertions one way or another about the sexual orientation of the dog, but he or she certainly doesn't look happy to be there with the lingerie twins. I would bet it's because of where they're shopping -- if you look closely I think that's a dancing Spock from Star Trek on the tie behind the couple. Clearly, the dog's outraged because everyone knows Spock's shirts were "Cool and Calm Except for McCoy" science blue, not "Shoot Me First" security red.
Naturally I've ordered one for the ranch. I think the donkeys are going to look great in it, even the lesbian ones.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Underrated Henchmen
Dave Campbell of "Dave's Long Box" has a new article up on Cracked that I found hilarious. Titled "The 7 Most Underrated Movie Henchmen", it's well worth a read. Here's the first line:
When you think of great movie henchmen—in other words, villains in the service of other nastier, most likely stupider villains—you probably think of guys like Goldfinger's Oddjob, Jack Palance in Shane, or Art Garfunkel.
How can you not read that?!
Friday, June 08, 2007
The Twin Humps of the Apocalypse
I have just learned of the first sign of the coming of the Apocalypse: Dolly Parton singing a country version of "Stairway to Heaven".
Apparently this happened in 2002 and I'm only just now becoming aware of it. I don't know how Rapture's held off this long, but I'm not taking any chances -- I'm packin' up the animals and headed to church, because if there's any rational definition of Hell on Earth, surely this is it.
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