Monday, March 20, 2006

Texas Registration Application

I moved to Texas when I was 18 to go to college, and since I am now 36 that means I have been here ... hang on, doing math ... ummm .. let's see, carry the two ... 18 years! In other words I've been in Texas just as long as I was not in Texas. Does that make me a Texan? Let me see, I think I have my official State Registration Application here somewhere ... ah! Here we go, let me just fill this out here:

  1. Do you own a truck?
    Heck yeah, two of 'em.

  2. Do you have animals with hooves living on your property?
    Try ten of 'em.

  3. Do you own a cowboy hat and have you ever worn it someplace other than a mall?
    You're allowed to wear your cowboy hat to the stinkin' MALL?! That's an outrage!

  4. Do you own a firearm and have you ever discharged it -- on purpose?
    Damn skippy I do and yes I have.

  5. Did you hit anything with it that wasn't another hunter?
    Do I LOOK like Dick Cheney?

  6. All right then smart-ass, what did you hit?
    I've killed two rattlers and a rabbit. OK, granted, the rabbit had been hit by a car and I was just putting it out of its misery. And it took me four shots to finally hit it while it laid there already half-dead. I didn't say I was a good shot, I just said I've shot!

  7. Have you ever ridden a horse?
    Yes, several times. I even own saddles!

  8. Did you stay on?
    I stayed on, it was the horse that slid out from under me.

Welp, reckon I oughta send that sucker in, I'd sure like to be official. Like the bumper sticker says, I wasn't born in Texas, but I got here as fast as I could.


Jill Phenix Avila said...

Amen brotha!!

Denise said...

There are quite a few things you have to learn to be a Texan. One is learning Texas-isms. My favorite is, "That ole dog won't hunt." I have actually heard people say this one in conversation. "That there" is another one of my favorites as is "lissen here hoss," one my co-workers just love to use on a regular basis. You also have to learn how to spit accurately, how to love your mama, how to eat tamales (yes, you take the corn husk off, something I learned the chewy and hard way), that the Alamo is as sacred as Lourdes in France to Texans and you always fly the Texas flag higher than the American flag. I believe Texas is the only state in the nation with that "in your face" law. Seriously!

Loved your answers, Jeff!!