Monday, August 13, 2007

Behold ... MODAD!

In less than 24 hours I managed to purchase an $1,800 item that allowed me to destroy an additional $1,100 of previously owned merchandise. How did I accomplish such an amazing feat? Read on, my friend, and stand in awe of the power of MODAD -- Mower of Death And Destruction -- as it proceeded to destroy:



The push mower I was using to prep the yard for the new mower.



The garden hose lying in my path. (About which I literally thought to myself, not two minutes before, "The odds of me breaking that hose with this mower while it's on its highest setting is pretty much zero." Now you know why I'm not working as an odds-maker in Vegas.)



The mulching attachment that comes with the mower, restraining band severed by a flying rock.



The side cab window of my truck (probably from the same rock that severed the mulcher in passing), which the replacement company said is, and I quote, "The most expensive piece of glass on the vehicle." I don't go halfway, baby, when I break something, I only break the best!

The author of this rampage of mayhem? I present you with MODAD -- the Mower Of Death And Destruction!



I bet it's wondering how it's going to power through the garage door blocking its escape. Keep your eyes peeled, folks -- it's getting hungry.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

cJeffrey, I swear, you can make me laugh out loud and cry for you all at the same time! That deserves to be on a sitcom episode!! I know it's an expensive day at the farm, what with all that mayhem and destruction, but, damn, you made me laugh and I needed it today. An expensive laugh at your expense, but a great belly laugh none the less. -- Denise

Allen said...

LOL TRACTORZ

JimmyMac said...

What ya got there is one of them "Alpha Male Mowers, " and it is establishing it's dominance and territory. This is natural behavior that, unfortunately for the homeowner, does bring costly consequences (as you have seen). The ego and pride of these alpha male machines is very sensitive (that's right - macho, but sensitive. It's what the ladies love). The best thing for you to do is to let the mower know that you recognize it as the baddest machine on the farm. Never speak of a bigger/ better/ tougher/ meaner machine around it, or it will have to re-establish its dominance with further acts of destruction. And whatever you do, NEVER buy the alpha male model of another piece of machinery. Check the serial number for "AM" and avoid it - you already have one and two would be BAD!

John said...

two words: Daaaaaaaaad-GUM!

Jeff Hebert said...

Love the photo Allen, thank you!

Jimmy, great advice, I'll certainly keep that "field" guide handy. Can't be too careful where bruised male egos meet sharp whirling death.

carlsonjok said...

I've had my share of problems on my ranchette with lawnmowers, but, dang, I never a day like that. You probably need to get a 30-40 hp tractor to put that new upstart in its place. Arrggh! Arrggh! Arrggh!

Trey M. said...

One word: XERISCAPE!

Anonymous said...

Well there ya go, now you know what your readers crave...

WANTON DESTRUCTION!

Been a bit quiet on the blog here, but post a few pics and a tale of power run amuck and look at all the comments :)

annie'sbuddie said...

MODAD's just mad because you haven't added the JD steering knob accessory! Wanna have mower races sometime?
I'm on my 2nd JD lawn tractor & totally love/loved both. Bought the 1st one used from a friend...a little 13hp STX with a 36" mower deck. It mowed the heck out of our yard of weeds & 13ac of johnson, buffalo & mexia grass meadows. Ran Little Johnny for 7 yrs way overmatched for what he was designed. Last time he was serviced it cost a bunch of $$ & the guys said not to put more into him. So when his steering went out a few months later & I could only mow crop circles to the right I put him out to pasture.
His successor is Senor Juan...a 25hp X500 with a 48" deck & can he boogie! Best feature is the cup holder so I don't have to hold the beer bottle between my legs!

John said...

hmmm...it occurs to me...could the MODAD be the evil harbinger of the much more eviler M.O.D.O.K.? Like the blonde says..."He can use (the mower) to control...to fight...and, if he desires...to DESTROY!!"

BWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!

sph said...

When can I borrow that there MODAD? We could use a little deestruchion in this part of the county.

After thinking I was actually going to a "bird sale"(to look for a goose) north of you last week and finding a large number of angry male chickens, I am actually unsurprised that tractor pulls (or throws)are next!

Made me laugh out loud, you wild man!