Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Massive Hummingbird Rally

(AP) Bertram, TX

A riot broke out today in rural Bertram, Texas, when a hummingbird feeder was temporarily removed for refilling. As many as 15 outraged hummingbirds swarmed in protest, overwhelming local police efforts.

"They were very angry, flittering and buzzing like a cloud of extremely irritable bees," said Annie Phenix Hebert, the worker assigned the task of taking down and refilling the container of sugary water. "I feared for my life at one point."

DEA agents are currently testing the concoction for possible illegal drugs. No normal animal could achieve that state of fevered hyperactivity naturally, scientists believe.

"I'd bet on Crystal Meth," Hebert said. "If they had teeth, we'd know for sure when the teeth fell out. Meth'll do that to you. But they don't have teeth because they're birds, see, and birds don't have teeth. Although maybe they don't have teeth because all birds are on meth! You should write that down and investigate it."

So noted, Ms. Phenix Hebert. So noted.

Of course that didn't stop her from loading up another clear glass tube of liquid happiness for these smallest addicts. Maybe one day a brave hummingbird activist can break this cycle of dependence, but until then this reporter will just have to sit back and enjoy their hyperbolic, frenetic dashing to and fro.

1 comment:

Jill Phenix Avila said...

awesome and funny!! Kudos!!