iPod Country-Musical Mashup-a-Palooza

When I sing, I don't just limit myself to the notes and the key from the song I'm singing -- that's so repressive. No, being the free spirit I am, I let the notes careen up and down the scale from the original like a drunken man on greased stilts.

And if I can do that with the notes, I asked myself, why not with lyrics as well? Being an agreeable fellow, I immediately saw the wisdom in what I had proposed to myself, and thus I now bring you a new creation -- the first ever Nerd Country iPod Country-Musical Mashup-a-Palooza. I've taken verses from various songs on my iPod and assembled them into an all-new narrative song of drinking, loving, and losing that I feel confident will rocket its way up the country charts.

We move from unadulterated sinful excess, to slow recognition that perhaps his significant other has also strayed, on into acceptance of an addiction problem, eventually into rage, and finally reaching an understanding that the doomed relationship, now broken, is likely not going to be resumed.

Bonus points for whoever can identify the most songs making up this Bubba Tech Frankenstein Monstrosity!

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!
Need a little bit more of my twelve-ounce nutrition.
One more helpin' of what I've been havin'--
I'm takin' my turn on the sin wagon.

The moral of this story is sad but true,
I love to drink, and she loves to screw
Hobo’s got a better life, out riding on the rails
I’m at home getting hammered while she’s out getting nailed!

I'd fall down and say "Come help me, honey!"
You laughed out loud, I guess you thought it was funny.
I sobered up and I got to thinkin'
Girl, you ain't much fun since I quit drinkin'.

Women are irrational, that's all there is to that!
Their heads are full of cotton, hay, and rags!
They're nothing but exasperating, irritating,
vacillating, calculating, agitating,
Maddening and infuriating hags!

Is it still over, are we still through?
Since my phone still ain't ringing I assume it still ain't you.

This started out as just a set of funny lyrics from songs I've been listening to, but then I realized it kind of all hung together. There are five different songs this was drawn from, four country tunes and one from a musical.