Thursday, February 22, 2007


From comes the following teaser headline (highlighted in yellow):

The joke, of course, is that Donald Trump's grave would be the final hole on the golf course (see, graves are holes in the ground just like a golf cup! Hilarious!). There's a problem with the joke, however, because for you non sports fans out there, a golf course only has 18 holes. After checking with some of the most powerful computing devices in the world, I have found that adding 1 to 18 does not, in fact, equal 20. It equals only 19, meaning that The Donald's grave would actually only be the Nineteenth Hole.

My immediate suspicion is that either Mr. or Ms. Headline Writer can't do simple addition, or s/he is unaware that golf courses have only 18 holes, not 19. Either of these seem reasonable since most reporters are completely repulsed by both mathematics and sports.

There are three other possibilities, however, and in the spirit of open inquiry I present them here to you:

  1. Donald Trump's massive ego caused him to build a golf course with 19 holes on it instead of the usual 18 -- "It's uuuuuuuuuge" Donald might have said. The fact that Donald Trump is an egomaniacal freak lends credence to this theory. Unfortunately a quick Google search shows that the Trump National Golf Course in Bedminster has only the usual 18 holes.

  2. Sometimes the bar or clubhouse is called "The Nineteenth Hole" by clever golf course designers. However, a quick call to Trump Bedminster Golf Course (yes, I actually picked up the phone and called them -- I'm a sad, pathetic little man) confirms that there is no facility with that name on the premises.

  3. The headline writer possesses a biting, scathing wit, and is slyly implying that the 19th hole would be the grave and the 20th would be Donald Trump, Asshole. This scenario is bolstered by the fact that Donald Trump is, in fact, an asshole.

Frankly, if I were Mr. or Ms. Headline Writer, given The Donald's penchant for publicly eviscerating anyone he thinks has insulted him, I'd cop to the "I can't do math and don't know anything about sports" excuse, because option 3 there doesn't look terribly appealing.


Rob said...

Man, you're harsh. :)

I actually gave the writer credit for being a little clever. As you mentioned, the 19th hole is sometimes the name for the bar/clubhouse, but I think it's also an informal nickname for the bar even when it's not the official nickname.

So we have:
Holes 1-18: Golf
Hole 19: Booze
Hole 20: The Grave

But maybe that's too big of a stretch and I'm giving the writer too much credit.

Jeff Hebert said...

Harsh is my middle name, baby :-)

Well, technically my middle name is Francis, but any of you HOMOS call me Francis ... an' I'll kill ya.

("Stripes" For the Win!)