According to the New York Times, eldest children in a family have an IQ an average of 3 points higher than younger siblings. The higher up in birth order you are, the smarter you are. The lower down, the dumber.
However, I've just been handed this note by the Pocket Lint Anti-Defamation League, disavowing any relationship between the IQ of their members and, quote, "That one-lobed mouth breather Jeff," endquote.
So, there you have it, clearly this research must be in error, which would have been abundantly clear had any of these scientists actually met my older siblings. I'm not saying they're dim, I'm just saying they thought 9-11 was the store two blocks down from 7-11.
Actually I'd say 3 IQ points is probably on the low side. What they don't tell you is that the lost intelligence is due to an unending stream of wedgies throughout the early developmental years. They also ate all the good food before I could get to it so I was undernourished. And ... um .... I'm sure there are other reasons too, but I lack the IQ to think of them. Maybe I'll call my brother and he can tell me.