Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Can't Even Back Up and Down The Driveway

I am an idiot. I know this because on Monday I backed directly into Annie's truck -- I'll explain after the jump.

Not our truck, but close.
Oh I have plenty of excuses.
  1. On Mondays I load the trash cans into the back of the truck, so I couldn't really see out the rear window.
  2. We had a new dog in the garage and I was keeping an eye out for him so I didn't accidentally run him over.
  3. Annie's truck was parked behind the driveway instead of beside me, like it usually is, so I didn't expect it to be there.
  4. And finally, at that hour of the morning I had not yet fully awoken.

Unfortunately, none of those excuses excuse me.
  1. It didn't matter that the trash cans were in the back because I didn't look anyway.
  2. Annie intended to come out and hold the new dog for me, but I didn't wait for her; otherwise I'd not have been worried about him and she would have seen me approaching her beloved 250.
  3. I'm the one who parked Annie's truck behind mine the night before.
  4. And finally, I wake up at that time every day for work.

So as you can see, I don't really have a leg to stand on, and as a consequence Annie now has to drive a rental for a few weeks. You see, what with the trash and the dog and the parking, I backed my Ranger full speed right into her truck's driver's side door. I will say this, though, I have very good aim -- all of the (considerable) damage was done to just that door and nothing else.

To make matters worse, in one of those cosmic examples of bad timing I had, just the night before, confidently explained to Annie how her lack of depth perception is the reason she thinks I'm a bad driver, and that in fact she is the one who's a bad driver. Clearly the anser to that little hypothesis is a big fat "WRONG"!

So maybe I can claim that as my excuse -- it's hard to be a good driver when your foot's in your mouth.


Allen said...


As terrible as all of this turned out to be, I'm glad no one was hurt and that nothing spontaneously burst into flames, producing an iridescent nuclear fireball visible for miles around, destroying all life within its blast radius. And stuff.

Your analysis of the situation is well reasoned and it sounds as if the Hebert Commission can recommend policy changes going forward (even though "going forward" wasn't the problem.)

Based on these observations all you really need to do is to develop a more substantial ...

... (wait for it) ...

backup strategy.


Seriously, I'm glad everyone is OK. Vehicles can be replaced or repaired.

Jeff Hebert said...

Can you get whiplash from puns? Because I think I just did! Thanks for the laughs and the good wishes, Allen, Annie said much the same thing -- she'd have been mad if the dog (or me, presumably) had been hurt, but that a truck's just a thing, not worth getting all worked up about. She's quite a lady.

I was informed, however, that my "Husband Points" took a considerable hit as well. I probably could've spent those points on a new plasma screen TV or something, but instead they go towards good will in a boneheaded move. Oh well, easy come easy go :-)

annie'sbuddie said...

Guess size doesn't matter!
You must consider youself lucky your little Ranger didn't end up underneath Annie's big ol' 250 diesel.

Geopoet said...

That's too familiar; Adam and I ran into each other in our driveway a few years ago too. Of course it was HIS fault.

Janet got her bumper knocked off this week by a 80-something year old lady who just kept on driving after she sheared it off while Janet was sitting there, like Mr. Magoo. Well, Janet hounded her down the road and cornered her in the parking lot somewhere and that old lady said, "Oh, I thought you hit me!" which certainly would explain why the old woman kept driving(?).

Poor lady, she was so flustered, she set off her alarm and couldn't turn it off till some guy drove up and did it for her.

Anyway, Janet's driving around in a rental too, so don't feel alone Annie. Yet, in the back of my mind - somehow, some way, I'm going to be held to blame for this. As long as you've accepted blame for the truck, could I just heap this one on you too - I mean, what have you got to lose?

Jeff Hebert said...

Poor Janet, I'm so glad she's all right! At least Annie wasn't in the truck when it was hit, so that's a mercy.

As long as you've accepted blame for the truck, could I just heap this one on you too - I mean, what have you got to lose?

Sure, go ahead. As another famous man once said, "Once the crap piles up over your eyeballs, it doesn't matter how much higher it gets -- you can't see anyway!"

Anonymous said...

This must run in the family! All I can say is... you ran into Annie's truck. I, on the other hand, ran into the front of our house. Yes. That inconsequential thing known as a HOUSE. But Jeff your running into the truck has to ultimately be my fault because you were in the car with me when I backed into the house. You were only 2 or 3 at the time, but the instinct to run into some huge, stationary object is in the genes, buddy. But-- no one was hurt,just property, and your pride when you get to explain to the insurance agent exactly what happened! -- Denise

The Cow Whisperer said...

Shoot, when we buy a new vehicle, we CAN'T WAIT to back it into our F250! I've done that with both my Suburban AND my Expedition. The F250 shows no signs of wear, as the "Deer Tenderizer" mounted on the front (known as a "Brush guard" to some) is much tougher than the wimpy fiberglass on the Exped.

Jeff Hebert said...

That's funny, Annie calls them "Deer Bashers" too ... must be a Texas native thing. I wasn't too worried 'til she asked the dealer if it came with a targeting system ...