Wednesday, April 04, 2007

American Idol Prediction

This seems to be "Inane Pop Culture Crap" day here in Nerd Country, so I might as well give myself over to it whole hog. Below the fold, my reactions to and predictions about last night's American Idol.

Who's Staying: The Divas (Melissa Doolittle, LaKisha Jones, and Jordan Sparks) were all great as usual. At some point they're going to start cannibalizing each other's votes, but they're all strong enough at the moment not to worry too much about going home.

I also don't think Blake Lewis (The Scatter) has much to worry about for quite a while. He's cute, hip, and different, and goodness knows that's in short supply this year.

Who's Going: Your bottom three this week will be Phil Stacey, Haley Scarnato, and Chris Richardson. With Howard Stern on vacation and the judges being nice to Sanjaya, there's a possibility that the Pony-Hawked One will replace Richardson in the bottom, but I doubt it. He's too evil to be killed off this soon, he's destined to linger for weeks more, until finally, mercifully, the producers rig the voting to send him home.

Phil has stayed alive thus far due to the very powerful "Extraterrestrial Alien" vote, but eventually this jug-eared google-eyed bald-pated freak is going to frighten enough Americans to be given the boot.

Haley has great legs and has learned that the only way she can hang on week to week is by dressing in less and less, but she has a certain "Kathie Lee Gifford" vibe, and if there's one thing Americans are sure of, it's that they don't want to see Kathie Lee Gifford scantily clad. Haley's body can only get her so far before the "Kathie Lee Gag Reflex" kicks in and prevents the horned-up teenage boys who make up her main voting bloc from reaching the telephone.

Finally, I believe that Chris Richardson is going to suffer from having to split the "cool young hip guy" vote with Blake, and Blake's simply a better singer and entertainer. Unlike the judges, I thought Chris' performance last night was flat and uninteresting and the vocals were average at best. Plus I hate the way he looks like his neck vertebrae have all been fused into one unmoving column, forcing him to rotate his entire upper body to look around as if he's some sort of grotesque Frankenstein.

With those as my bottom three, who will will be going home? The answer is ... Phil Stacy! Sadly, immediately after being rejected Phil will incinerate the audience with his alien death-ray eyes, and that will be the end of American Idol.


The Evil DM said...

Phil scares me. he scares my kids. he just looks freaky. all he needs is pointy teeth.

Sanjaya is taking up space. but remember, this isnt "America's best singer" it's "American Idol" and you don't need a whole lot of talent to be an idol, ask Leif Garret.

Gina should have lasted another couple of weeks.
Haley will eventually do a Playboy layout in a desperate move to extend her 15 minutes.

The guys are outclassed they will fall one by one or be eaten by the big girl, who in turn will be out voted by the mousey girl.

I think Sparks will ultimately win.

Jeff Hebert said...

Man I blew that prediction, didn't I? Oh well, got 2 out of the bottom 3 right, but the one I missed is the one to get the boot. Gina wasn't going to win, but I thought she was safe for a few more weeks as the only rocker. I guess she shouldn't have gone for a non-rock song after all, who knew?

One thing that irritates me is how Cowell plays it like he knew it all along, even though the night before he thought she was safe.

I think you're right about the guys falling to the girls, Jeff, but at some point the Divas have got to start cannibalizing each other's votes. I think a guy is going to slip through to at least the top three, and it'll probably be Blake.

Sparks would be a surprise to me, though she does get stronger each week. She seems like a nice enough girl, but so help me I want to slap her sometimes she's so hyperactively sweet.

At this stage, I have to think Melinda Doooooooolittle is the favorite, although the wide-eyed "Gosh, ME!" thing is getting old already. You might be on to something with Sparks though, she'd be a good sleeper candidate.

Although if Howard Stern gets his way, Sanjaya might be your next American Idol! And then we'd all have to find something else to do next year since the show will effectively have jumped the shark.

The Evil DM said...

One point that I read online about Sanjaya is that the judges kind of treated him like a joke. They refused to critique him seriously the other night. Now I'm not a big Sanjaya fan but the judges were the ones who put him there in the first place. They could have booted him off several times before the voting went to the public- but they didn't. So now they treat him like the red-headed stepchild? That ain't right. They should suck it up and treat him just like the rest, instead of just dismissing him.

Yeah, the Doolittle chicks "gosh golly" demeanor is getting to me too-and she needs a neck.

yup, if a guy makes it through it should be Blake. But he wont take it.

Sparks is a young girl, a large percentage of Idol watchers (besides geeks like us), are young girls- I think she will inherit that block of voters once the guys have fallen, giving her the win at the end of the day.