Currently there's one simple way to tell if you are an idiot driver.
- Look in the mirror.
- If the person looking back at you is Jeff Hebert, then you're an idiot driver.
I know this is true because I have experienced the following incidents in just the last week:
- I got out of my truck to close the front gate, but forgot one important step -- putting the vehicle in "Park". I was very close to getting intimately familiar with the neighbor's cows by the handy expedient of crashing my truck through his fence. A hasty leap back into the accelerating cab narrowly averted this tragedy.
- Scant hours after sending my brother a map that included the phrase "Do not speed through the town of Liberty Hill or you will get a ticket", I got a ticket for speeding through the town of Liberty Hill.
- Today while hauling the Incredibly Expensive Pain in the Ass to yet another trailer lot to get it fixed, I misjudged the turn onto the overpass and smashed out the headlight of a waiting car.
Thus if the reflection you see staring at you out of the mirror is bald, with close-shorn side-hair, a goatee, and only one eyebrow, do not -- I repeat, DO NOT -- get behind the wheel of your vehicle under any circumstances. It could potentially save your life, or at least a few hundred dollars in headlight repair, municipal fees, and bovine therapy bills.